stormy--'s Diaryland Diary

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The Day I Talk about Work and Boys

So much has happened since the last time I wrote here. Well, it seems as if a lot has happened even though a lot has stayed the same.

I’ve been working in the office these past two weeks. I’m working from home this week (so yay for me!) because I had so many things pop up on my calendar that I scheduled weeks and even months ago that it made sense just to work from home. Right now I have the heating and cooling guys here to do their annual check of my AC and furnace. Then tomorrow I have an appointment with my gynecologist (insert ugh! face here). This week I also have to see my accountant, take my car in to get new tires and an oil change, and I need to research and contact a landscaping company about re-mulching my mulchable (isn’t making up words fun?!) areas and possibly hiring them to take care of my lawn this year. I need to do all of this and I need to still be working and I need to go to the grocery store because I have absolutely nothing in my fridge. Today I finished the last third of a three day old, stale, Subway sandwich for lunch. Subway rocks, just not when it’s stale. And on Friday night I’m going out with my friend (you know, the guy who told me about what Joe was up to).

It’s not a date. At least, I don’t think it’s a date. Maybe. I don’t know.

Lets hit the rewind button for a second.

So, a few weeks ago I had to go back to the doctor about some blood work. (I’m fine. Well, basically fine.) The doctor that I saw (not my normal doctor but one that shares the office) ended my appointment by saying that the reason he wanted me to come in is because he wants to get “better acquainted” with me. Seriously, those were the words he used. Me - a busy girl whose catch phrase lately has been “don’t waste my time” (imagine me saying that full of attitude) - was completely confused. And so I told him that he had my medical file right there, I remember once filling out a stack of paperwork that asked a million questions (sometimes the same question multiple times), and so there can’t possibly be anything else about me that he already doesn’t know. That’s when he told me that I misunderstood him and he wanted to get to know me on a more personal level.

Let’s just say it together. Eww!!!!

And I’m not saying “eww” to be mean. He’s a perfectly fine looking man who is probably just a little older than me (if I had to guess). I’ve never really looked at him or paid attention to the physical aspects of him because he’s my doctor. In my eyes he’s just a talking lab coat with a stethoscope. I cringe and say “eww” because that’s a line I would never cross with a doctor who has treated me. That’s just all sorts of wrong. Plus, isn’t it against the doctor oath or something to want to personally get to know a patient?

When I realized what he meant, I said a firm “no”, got up, and headed for the exam room door. He stopped me, asked if I had gotten back together with my ex-boyfriend, and then, without waiting for my response, said he was offering me something better and I would be stupid to pass it up. At this point I was ticked off. But instead of yelling at him, I repeated myself and said “no” again, pushed passed him, and left. By the time I got to my car I was well passed pissed off and seriously wanted to go back in there and open up a can of whoop ass. So, yeah…. Add find a new primary doctor to my never ending to-do list.

That night my friend came over to munch on Chinese food and watch the first half of Hamilton on Disney+ together. (BTW, he’s my +1 in my Covid bubble so I felt perfectly fine chillin’ with him.) When I described what happened, my friend said that if anything like that happened again I should just say that I had a boyfriend. I told him that I’m not really comfortable with lying. Actually, I really suck at it. That’s when my friend put both hands on my face and kissed me. It was a simple, his lips pressed against mine, type of kiss. Then he said, “There. Now you don’t have to lie.”

Talk about my mind being blown. And I admit that I wasn’t able to fully pay attention to Hamilton after that (actually I had to rewatch the first half on my own a few days later - but lets keep that on the down low). But after that night and the kiss nothing changed between us. We still texted and talked all the time, whenever we saw each other we’d hug hello or goodbye like normal friends would hug, and he never mentioned the kiss and neither did I. So I pretty much pushed the whole kissing incident out of my mind.

Last week when I was working in the office I was feeling extremely low and, honestly, I felt like I was going to break. I will never talk about work here, but I will say that it’s not easy being a young female who has my position (29 - on the verge of 30 - is young compared to the older men’s club that surrounds me). The men’s club isn’t happy with me being there within their ranks. I’ve been called to my face everything from spoiled princess to bitch and I’ve even been told that I don’t deserve my position because I haven’t “earned” it. And that last one was told to me by someone who, when I was a teenager going to work everyday with my grandfather, used to tell me to call him ‘uncle’. This ‘uncle’ even stated that I need to go back to playing a less active role. At work everything is a struggle and everything I say is questioned. If my grandfather (or probably any other man) was still in my position no one would dare to question him. It would be totally fine if someone had a legitimate concern about something. But every little thing? I could probably state that the sky is blue and someone would question me on it.

So last week I was at my breaking point. I even had some really, really bad thoughts. My friend came to the city to be with me. It was a total surprise and when I saw him I actually jumped into his arms. It was just such a relief to see a friendly face. We had pizza for dinner (standing on the sidewalk) and then did the touristy thing and explored the city a little (basically just walked around a lot). When we got back to my place, we talked and I just let go and told him about everything. I was a weepy and snotty mess. So much so that I probably should be embarrassed by it, but I’m not. He listened, he reassured, and he was comforting. He even made me realize that I had a lot more options than what I thought I did. Then, after I calmed down and washed my face, we watched the last half of Hamilton.

Not only did he stay with me but he also slept in my bed. But before any of you dirty birdies out there get the wrong idea, nothing happened. But he did find out how much of a blanket monster I become after I fall asleep. The next morning we had breakfast together. Before he left to drive back home, he kissed me again. This time it wasn’t a simple, lip on lip type of kiss. It was deeper and longer, and yet it was still soft and sweet. Then he said, “You know I like you, right?” Once again my mind was blown. I nodded because I don’t think anyone would travel all that way just to listen to me cry and watch the last half of Hamilton if they didn’t like me. But, in this instance, I think he meant “like” in more than simply friendly terms.

And so on Friday we’re going to dinner. We’re going to this mom-and-pop Mexican restaurant that I’ve been wanting to try for well over a year. I’m still not comfortable eating inside restaurants, but this place has an outside dining area that’s covered and they have heaters if it gets chilly. I’m actually looking forward to it. And I’m trying not to obsess about the kiss and what he said. I’m not over thinking things or worrying or any of that stuff. I’m just going with the flow and not stressing out. Well, at least for right now. I reserve the right to stress out at a later date if need be.

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2:24 p.m. - 2021-03-31

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